my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I believe in your delicious
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
