Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
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if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
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currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex