Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
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You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
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My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?