I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
