I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
