i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
