i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
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