There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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