i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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