remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
