i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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