I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
