I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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