HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
