...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
