I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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