god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
