i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
