We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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