Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
