bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.