But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
