I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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