I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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