I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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