If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
