You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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