Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
