Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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