he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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