im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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