So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She's the barista slut.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
