haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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