His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
