I CAN MOONWALK!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
