he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
