Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
