I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just pee around me
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
