his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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