I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
