Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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