I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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