WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
