I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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