I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
