Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
