I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
