The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
NoShamevember. You game?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
