Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
