lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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