I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
