maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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