So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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