Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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