just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
