But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She tied me up with her honor cords...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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