I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
