corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
All the doctor said was why
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
