His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You're completely useless in the revolution.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
vagina is talking i cant
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
