I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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